I know I’ve spoken about being in the waiting a couple of times in the past, because I was in the waiting. Waiting is hard. The world doesn’t teach you perseverance or patience, the world teaches you to do all that you can to get whatever you need, even if it means you take a not so desirable route. It could be that you step on people’s toes to climb the ladder, could be that you do something dishonourable to gain something in return, it could mean you falsify something so you are a more desirable candidate, possibly sacrificing loved ones to get ahead. Whatever it is, the world teaches you to go out there and reach your goals, sometimes by any means necessary, so you can be “happy”. Things are readily available at our fingertips, and if not, the narrative is to go out and take it, even if it is not meant for you at that time. No one really wants to wait for the right time - there is an expectation that it should happen now!
Every Christian who desires the Lord goes through the wilderness period (the breaking and pruning), followed by waiting and eventually coming to your resting/restoration period. This is not a process that can be skipped, everyone has to go through this, why, because it is an opportunity to bring us closer to the Lord, remove all things that is not of Him, so he can create us a new. It is a time of reflection, healing and a time of stretching your faith leading you to be reliant on God. What happens if you start it, and don’t learn from this period - well you start the process all over again, and that’s just long!
My wilderness (breaking/pruning season) actually started in 2022, but I didn’t know it at the time. I started a new job which I wasn’t enjoying and having a really hard time, in the midst of that, I had lot of health issues to contend with and I almost lost my Mum, all within the same timeframe. By the end of that year, I struggled with my mental health immensely, and during that time, I didn’t know how to call on God. I knew I was supposed to go through what I went through, but my faith wasn’t strong enough to call upon the name of the Lord, or at least come to an understanding of what all of this meant - instead I became very insular, relied on my own strength, which made things worse and I found myself in a very dark place.
When the Lord brought the Israelites to a place of wilderness, it was to show them who He is in their lives. It was to reveal to them that He is the Lord over all things, that He has everything under control, all they had to do was have faith and rely on Him and He will carry them through. However, as Moses rehashes everything from Deuteronomy 1 (read Numbers for a full account of the Israelites disobedience), we see the Lord showed His wrath by killing off the first generation (ages 20 years and over) of the Israelites who left Egypt. Their children had to learn what it meant to be obedient, and follow the ways of the Lord.
Due to not grasping the meaning of breaking/pruning period, the Lord allowed it that for the first couple of months in 2023 I no longer felt the way I did in 2022. In fact, it was very early that year, I had made the decision to go to Israel, well in fact, it was the Lord who put it on my heart to go. I knew He wanted me to go, I just didn’t know what I would expect. I talk about my trip in the blog Holding onto the Faithfulness of God, so I won’t go into detail here - but it was the most amazing trip I ever had and the Lord truly showed me what it meant to depend on Him. That trip set me up for what I would shortly experience thereafter.
I recall one of the last conversations I had in Israel and it was with a pastor’s wife. I remember saying “I’ve learned a lot on this trip, I think I will encounter something when I go back, in fact I think I will be tested. I believe I am going to leave my job, and I think I will be leaving my profession altogether! I think I will be helping people but I don’t know what that will look like.” To coin the phrase, “famous last words”. I returned to work from my trip, and that’s exactly what happened, I was tested in the area of depending on Him through the trials I experienced, took the leap of faith and made a decision to part ways from the Company.
I’m reminded of the story of Joseph, in Genesis chaps 37 to 50, we see it starts off with one of the son’s of Jacob, called Joseph, the one that Jacob loved; And because of his love and special treatment to Joseph, it caused the brothers to turn on him. We see quite early on that Joseph is sold into slavery by his brothers to the Ismaelites, where they took Joseph to Egypt and sold him to an Egyptian. Throughout the first few chapters we see that Joseph flourishes in the house he is working for, but eventually is accused of wrongdoing and is thrown into an Egyptian prison although it was a false accusation. Whilst in prison he finds favour in the guards eyes and they promote him to be in charge of the prisoners (Genesis 39:22).
Now, I’m not saying the circumstances that Joseph found himself in was similar to my situation - far from! Joseph’s situation was far worse, he was alienated from his family, sold into slavery when in fact he was a freeman and now wrongly accused of something that he never done - but it is during this time Joseph’s faith never wavered.
When I went through all that I did at the company, I had to keep reminding myself on what it means to solely depend on Him, the same way I did when I was in Israel. This situation was far different from the year prior, but the emotions I felt were not too dissimilar, the difference was, I knew now how to lean on the Lord, rather than leaning on my own personal strength to get me through, and I never fell into that dark space I was in prior. In fact, I have not been in that space since 2022.
At the time of leaving the company, I found myself in a place of real vulnerability with the Lord, a place of transparency and honesty. A place of asking a lot of questions (and He was answering), a place of introspection and then eventually a place of healing. I was in a place of losing relationships and isolation. That wilderness (breaking/pruning) period lasted for 5-6 months (after I left my employment). I learned a lot about my sinful nature and I had the desire to give everything up.
I mentioned on one of my vlogs that the Lord gave me a dream about the rapture (now it would be 10 months ago) and He allowed me to see everyone go up - the Lord was warning me, had he come to take His church at that time, I wouldn’t have made it - because He couldn’t take me as I was.
The point of the wilderness is to learn how to surrender all to the Father, to recognise and know that we can’t be so arrogant to think we can know what tomorrow holds for us (Proverbs 27:1). That our life is not our own, we were bought at a price (1 Corinthians 6:20). The purpose is so we can draw near to God and He will draw near to us (James 4:8), by doing so we can be purified and cleansed from all our sinful nature and put on the new man (Ephesians 4:24) which is in Christ Jesus. It is during this time, your desires for things of the world is no longer anything you wish to entertain. There are conversations you no longer want to have, and you become acutely aware of your thoughts.
When you look at the life of Joseph, before he was taken into captivity he was incredibly immature, a snitch (lol), did not have any wisdom and somewhat boastful because he knew he was a favourite. Being falsely accused of a grotesque action, would cause anyone to humble themselves. When we read the story, we see the Lord’s hand was over Joseph, favour and mercy was shown, he was covered and protected despite all that he faced. Look at Job, as I mentioned in my previous blog, Job was attacked and lost everything that he knew and loved, yet the Lord carried him through.
The Lord brought me through the wilderness, pruning/breaking period and I came to a place of waiting. Very similar to Joseph, where he too, had to wait to be released from the prison (two years of waiting). Even the Israelites had to wait before they could enter into the promise land (the whole book of Deuteronomy is the Israelites going through a waiting period). I can recall the time when I realised the Lord did not want me to work, and I was getting frustrated, which of course derived from a place of fear. I talked about this in my vlog The Waiting, where I shared that the Lord made me to think about Noah, and the length of time he was in the Ark and the Lord giving him hope as a signal to inform him that he was not going to be in the Ark for long. The Lord, in the midst of this time, protected, covered and provided, just as He had done for me and my family, everything was taken care of, because I was abiding and trusting in Him. In the meantime, the Lord wanted me to write whatever he put on my heart, hence the website The Sovereignty of God, where the Lord allows me to share with you all. I know this has been encouraging to those that read, and is another form of evangelism to those who don’t know who He is.
Throughout my time in the waiting, one of my favourite scriptures I enjoyed quoting was Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” This scripture was a real sense of strength for me because I knew the Lord had everything in hand, however, I still wrestled with letting go of control, and I really needed to let go of what I knew, and allow the Lord to direct my path, “Commit your works to the Lord, And your thoughts will be established,” Proverbs 16:3.
I recall a sister came up to me in church giving me a Word from the Lord, she said “The Lord is pleased with your faithfulness.” I was so happy to hear those words, because, I knew I had moments of doubt, but my desire to be obedient to the Lord was stronger than my doubt, even if it didn’t make sense to me or people. No one could understand why I was writing and not finding a job. As it says in Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” It didn’t matter what people’s thoughts were of me not working, I knew what the Lord was telling me to do, and that was who I chose to be obedient too.
Before the Israelites go into the Promise Land (Canaan), we see God gives them instructions on how to take the land, to eradicate all things that may lead them astray. How many times has God told you to remove that sin out of your life, stay away from that person who leads you astray, abide in Him and only Him? God tells the Israelites that He will bless them if they are obedient to his statutes and commandments. That He will take them into a place of rest, where they can build and multiply. He promised that if anyone should attack them they will be protected, nothing can touch or hurt them because they are abiding in him (Deuteronomy 7).
Let’s be honest, when the Lord brings us to our earthly rest, it doesn’t mean that satan is going to stop attacking you, it doesn’t mean you will not go through testings and trials or spiritual warfare, of course you will - it is for you to remember all that the Lord has brought you through and rest in the Lord, strengthen yourself with God’s promises and conquer satan with the sword of the truth. It is only when we come to our heavenly rest when the attacks will stop!
As we enter into our place of earthly rest, the Lord will give us instructions that will be useful. In your time of waiting, the Lord will show you what your gifts are, you may already know what gifts the Lord has blessed you with. When you come out of your period of waiting sharpen your gifts and be ready to use, as these gifts will bring Him glory and will bless those you encounter.
During the time of wilderness, isolation and waiting, Joseph developed skills that the Lord blessed him with, something that eventually came handy when Pharaoh came to know who Joseph was, he understood his skill set and appointed him over all of Egypt (Genesis 41:37 - 44). Joseph was restored to his estranged family and he was able to see his father again before his father died (Genesis chaps 42 - 46).
The Lord restored Job’s losses and gave him twice as much as he had before (Job 42:10).
Although the Israelites made it the Promise Land, we see throughout the bible, due to their disobedience and rebellion, they are taken into captivity, then return, taken and so on… Thinking about us today, all those that desire the Lord goes through a wilderness, waiting and rest/restoration period. Therefore, people we listen to and watch, every one of them had to go through this period, before they came to do the things of the Lord. Our life is to serve the Lord and to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ, therefore, all gifts that we have been given is for His purpose only. What we are starting to see is so many fallen pastors, worship leaders and speakers, the bible calls this the Great Falling Away (2 Thessalonians 2:3). These people are no longer using their gifts to serve the Kingdom of God but to serve themselves. So what does the Lord do, just like he did with Saul, the Lord replaced him with David, so the Lord is doing now, he is raising up replacements with those that love the Lord.. We have so many Saul’s in the world who don’t realise the Holy Spirit is no longer with them, and they have been replaced with the David’s, the Daniel’s, the Esther’s, the Mary’s, the Jeremiah’s, the Moses’, the Elijah’s and so on, to go out and minister the Gospel, to fill the Kingdom so that none will perish (2 Timothy 4:1-5).
Now, I’m not saying that the Israelites have been replaced by Christians, it has always been the plan of God that salvation is shared with the Gentiles. However, they didn’t recognise who Christ was, but there is a coming time when the Jews will recognise their true Messiah, Jesus Christ (Zechariah 13:6).
I love Israel, I loved visiting the places where the Lord walked, I loved being in the place where my Saviour Jesus Christ was born. It is a special place to me and a very special place to the King of kings and the Lord of lords. I remember looking around as we walked through Israel, wondering how many people knew who Jesus was/is. Until then, Christians are commissioned to preach the Word of God until the end of the Church Age, and saints we are nearing the end of the church age!
I pray that the Lord will continue to keep me, because I never want to forget where the Lord has brought me from. The gifts He has given me, is to encourage and serve others. I never want to use my gifts for anything else but to serve the kingdom.
With that being said, I wanted to share this testimony where the Lord has brought from, to where He is taking me, to a place of both earthly rest and very soon Heavenly rest. The Lord has allowed me to open up an online store The Sovereignty of God Apparel. For now I will be selling T-Shirts, and however the Lord wills it (for the remaining days I have left on this earth), I will leave it with Him to direct how His online store shall go. I am aiming for a 1st of August launch date, and I pray you will find something nice you like. This has been in the works now for a couple of months, and I thank the Lord that He allowed all this to happen in his perfect timing! Who knew in March of this year when I started writing, where it would take me. Who knew when I and the company parted ways, this is where the Lord would bring me. All I knew was, I wanted to live a life that would be pleasing to the Lord, to have faith like Abraham, be in his presence like Moses and love Him like David, which means to trust Him in everything, believing that He has everything figured out.
If you are in a place of wilderness, please don’t give up - God has so much in store for you and the best part, He is making you ready to take you to your eternal home! So stay stuck in the Lord, abide in his might and power, fall into his arms when it gets tough, speak to Him as if you see him right in front of you. But please, please do not forsake the One that knows and sees all things! Don’t finish like the past Israelites and Saul! Be an overcomer and hold on to the end! Amen X.